It takes one black kettle and one black pot to tango

Ever since I was very young, I’ve been called stubborn by people I’ve argued with. I don’t really understand why. Stubborn to me means unwilling to change your mind even when you are rationally convinced of something. Otherwise, you just believe what you believe. And if these people calling me stubborn aren’t stubborn, why are they still arguing their points? Isn’t that a bit arrogant to believe that you are right, not stubborn, and obviously more rational; and that anyone who disagrees with you must be “just stubborn”?

Quite the contrary, when proven wrong, I am the first to admit it and say, “You know what? You’re right. You’ve convinced me.” I’m not perfect about this. Yes, I can be stubborn, but maybe only about 1% of the time that I’m accused of being so. I strive to be like Malcolm X, who believed strongly in whatever ideology he embraced at the moment and, when finally convinced he was wrong, would switch to a new ideology without fear of being called indecisive or fickle. I’m not quite there yet, but I don’t see the people who accuse me of being stubborn as being any less stubborn than I am. If they aren’t, we really shouldn’t be arguing any more, right? They’d have given up, and I would have “won.”

Over the years, of course, I’ve gotten far less argumentative. I’ve seen too many arguments end up with both parties just blowing steam and basically talking to themselves or seeing who can yell louder. Neither really wants to understand the other’s point of view or come to an agreement on anything. It’s really a mental exercise, a way for one “iron” to sharpen another. If you go into an argument thinking that’s what it’s for, you’ll be a happy arguer. If not, you’ll be very frustrated, because you’ll rarely win or lose.

When I think back to all the times I’ve significantly changed my outlook on life, it has almost always been out of my own curiosity and desire to read about others’ viewpoints. I can’t remember many times someone has actually argued me into a different stance, and I don’t believe I’m alone in this regard. This is one reason I write. If you write, you can be found by people willing to explore, people with open minds. If you argue, you immediately put people on the defensive.

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