There was an English teacher at my last school who tried to frame most literature discussions in light of what she called “the master narrative” (I’m sure she didn’t coin the term, though). The master narrative is basically growing up healthy, getting good grades in high school, attending the “right” university, getting a good job, getting married, having kids, buying a house, and retiring.<\/p>\n
Growing up in suburbia, I faced pressure—perhaps not as much as my peers, though—to fit into this master narrative. In many ways, I have fit into this narrative, but not in quite the ways my parents had hoped. <\/p>\n
Yes, I did get good grades, but I didn’t get great grades, mainly because I chose to enjoy my youth and not ruin it by spending all day and night studying for exams. Yes, I attended a relatively prestigious university, but my dad was disappointed that I attended that one in lieu of an Ivy League school I’d been accepted to. Yes, I did get married, but for the longest time I had not planned to get married; I believe this is in line with Biblical principles laid out by both Paul and Jesus in the New Testament. And, yes, I did end up getting a “good job” in my parents’ eyes (teaching) but then ending up quitting to go into admissions (which, for some reason, they don’t view as being “good”). <\/p>\n
And, of course, we’re not having kids. <\/p>\n
If you’re married and choosing not to have kids, you feel the pressure from all sides—sometimes heavy and direct, sometimes passing and indirect; sometimes from people who are closest to you, other times from strangers who have no business messing with your personal decisions. <\/p>\n
My wife and I have experienced just about everything from bribery (“Here’s a gift of $100. Where’s my great-grandchild?”) to flattery (“You’d be such a great parent, though.”), and we’re a little sick of it. We know great childfree (or “childless,” if that’s what you want to call it) couples who have few regrets about their decision. They enjoy life. They go on vacations. They can babysit for other people’s kids. They look young even when middle aged. They’re happy. <\/p>\n
Wait! This whole the approach is all wrong. We shouldn’t, as a couple deciding not to have kids, have to defend our decision not to have kids. It should be the other way around. People deciding to have kids should have to justify it to society. They should have to prove that they’re having kids for the right reason (not just to relive their own lives vicariously through mini versions of themselves—”I didn’t get into Harvard, but maybe my kid can…”). They should have to justify bringing another person into an overpopulated world. <\/p>\n
But, no. Every time you see a pregnant married person, you’re supposed to say “Congratulations!” right away with nary a thought. When we announce we’re not having kids, do we get a congratulations<\/i>? No, we get questions. Why? How can you be sure? You’ll regret it later when you’re older. But you’d make such great parents. Wouldn’t you love to have a little version of you running around? It’s so fulfilling. You won’t have grandchildren later. You won’t have children to take care of you when you’re older.<\/i> <\/p>\n
This obsession with having kids has got to stop. If people choose to have kids, they should have that right. But if people choose not to have kids, they should also have that right. If my wife and I later change our minds, it will be our own choice. It won’t be because people pressured us into it. <\/p>\n
Mommy, why did you decide to have kids?
Oh, sweetie, we didn’t want to have kids. People pressured us into having you.
That’s so nice, Mommy.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
There was an English teacher at my last school who tried to frame most literature discussions in light of what she called “the master narrative” (I’m sure she didn’t coin the term, though). The master narrative is basically growing up healthy, getting good grades in high school, attending the “right” university, getting a good job,… Continue reading Pressure to have kids<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-125","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.psychocats.net\/ubuntucat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/125","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.psychocats.net\/ubuntucat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.psychocats.net\/ubuntucat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.psychocats.net\/ubuntucat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.psychocats.net\/ubuntucat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=125"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.psychocats.net\/ubuntucat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/125\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.psychocats.net\/ubuntucat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=125"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.psychocats.net\/ubuntucat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=125"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.psychocats.net\/ubuntucat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=125"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}