Comments on: Why I was never a bitter nice guy

By: Nice Girl

Nice Girl — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 22:51:21 +0000

I consider myself to be a “nice girl” and I never want “bitter nice guys” ever. If you’re only nice to the girl/girls you’re interest in, it’s fine at first, and then she realizes you’re actually just a shallow jerk.

I’ve also found that supposed “jerks” or “bad boys” are actually very nice people, just not if you’re dating them. Like they’ll carry groceries for old ladies and volunteer, they just happen to cheat on women they date… I steer clear of those guys, but most girls just think, “but he’s so great in other ways!” Also, he may be more attractive than the nice guy. Women have eyes too, jeez.

By: LEB

LEB — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 01:48:09 +0000

Thanks you for this posting! As a woman, I’m SO TIRED of the perpetuation of the myth that Nice Guys Finish Last. Most self-described “nice guys” are not nice at all… they’re whiny wussies who really hate women and possibly life in general, and just get more and more bitter over the self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness and solitude. So they become dysfunctional woman-hating jerks to get women, and *surprise!* attract dysfunctional self-hating women.

Most nice guys who are truly decent men develop a close circle of friends, and when they get married, they marry nice, decent women. A truly good man is secure about himself, regardless of what life throws at him. If he gets beaten down, he bounces back. Men like this WILL be found attractive by women. Positive energy — and yes, niceness — attracts more of the same.

By: Jim

Jim — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 05:37:36 +0000

It is truth that you shouldn’t be nice to reach a goal. You should do nice things for others because it’s the right thing to do. However, when your constantly being punished for doing nice things than it makes the nice guy wonder is it worth it? It is human nature to be a little frustrated, and a little angry about having experiences with others taking advantage of you. It is oversimplified to say that the nice guy was always a jerk just because he shows a human emotion other than being nice. The “be yourself” advice is pretty overrated. It is true that you should be yourself, but you also have to be yourself with the right person. It may be true that most girls like the so called bad boy, but nice guys don’t want most girls. I think finding the right person is much better advice. Also” Why nice guys finish last” article was not bitter, but honest about some to the nice guy frustrations.

By: Kwame Edwards

Kwame Edwards — Sat, 24 May 2008 23:59:57 +0000

Thanks for the Hits but are you a man or a female?

For a guy you sure seem to know ALLOT about Nice guys and dating..

I was a nice guy then I turned 15…

By: Jeff Chen

Jeff Chen — Fri, 23 May 2008 01:13:01 +0000

Good post, very thought provoking. Hmmm… I wonder what I am?

By: ubuntucat

ubuntucat — Wed, 21 May 2008 22:38:11 +0000

Granted, this post isn’t intended to be an all-encompassing assessment of the dating scene amongst heterosexuals, so I can see how it might easily be taken to be a false dichotomy of sorts.

Men are not easily categorized as only nice guys or only jerks, and not all women are always or ever attracted to jerks anyway.

“The phenomenon,” as I said before, “is widespread but not absolute.”

I do like the clarification of “nice guy” v. “good guy.” That can be a very useful semantic distinction.

By: Julia

Julia — Wed, 21 May 2008 21:34:10 +0000

Oh, this is always a fun topic–especially among women who try to tell all the _other_ women what they want.

One point I’d like to make is between “bad” and “nice”. I personally prefer “bad” vs. “good”. I like good men, not “nice guys”. Good men, not bad. Good men have backbones, assertiveness, and excitement. They also have manners, respect, responsibility, and integrity. Best of both worlds to me. If only!

And to add to your list of what women want (as debatable as those points might be), in my life I’ve discovered that I really don’t like having to play the “strong caregiver” role all the time. I dated one guy who was so dependent and emotionally needy that he sapped me of all my resources and energy. I wanted to be the one taken care of once in a while, instead of always having to baby this “boy” who should have already matured into a “man”. Just a personal thought :)

By: Justin V

Justin V — Wed, 21 May 2008 20:55:28 +0000

Hey,

Thanks for umm linking to my post. In defense, I must say that I am not bitter about being an ex-nice guy, or to paraphrase myself, a “nice guy with an edge”. I’ve just learn alot and well, experience is not what happens to you its what you do with what happens to you.
I’ve never been burn that bad that I harbor ill-feelings to women or one in particular. I wrote the post in efforts to help other NG understand why sometimes they get the short end of the stick.

-J

By: ubuntucat

ubuntucat — Wed, 21 May 2008 14:19:17 +0000

Thanks for the correction. I thought I’d proofread, but apparently I hadn’t caught that error.

By: me

me — Wed, 21 May 2008 10:33:52 +0000

“If you’re nice, you shouldn’t nice to reach some end goal”

something along the lines of

“If you’re nice, you shouldn’t _be_ nice to reach some end goal”
or even
“If you’re nice, you shouldn’t _be_ nice _just_ to reach some end goal”

I totally agree, I have thought of that before, but it’s good to see someone who has that same perception (someone who is nice just to get something, is not that nice)

oh, and thanks for the calendar and archives, really appreciate it, even more with the quickness you’ve done it (I came back the next day after posting that, and noticed you had already got them, thanks)