Why do women slut-shame?
April 8th, 2009
Everyone I know is familiar with the sexual promiscuity double standard. Men who have sexual experience are studs. Women who have sexual experience are sluts or whores. Of course, the label slut doesn’t have to come from true promiscuity at all. It is just the perception of promiscuity. A girl or woman could be called a slut even if she is a virgin, as long as she dresses provocatively or has large breasts or speaks frankly about sex. She may not even do any of those things, but she may be someone other women look down upon for some reason or other.
I noticed two instances of slut-shaming this past weekend.
On one occasion, it was a social gathering, and one woman remarked that all the “whores” at her school were on the field hockey team. Most likely, they weren’t literally prostitutes. But the remark was intended to shame these women as definitely unlikeable and beneath her, and then vaguely too sexual.
On the other occasion, at church of all places, one church member remarked jokingly called another member a “slut” because of the latter’s shoes (which had been part of a Halloween costume) with stiletto heels. It was a joke, of course, and the recipient took it that way, too, but the joke hints at the truth—the truth being that even if you are a “good Christian,” if you also happen to be wearing certain clothes, you will be stigmatized sexually if you are a woman.
What baffles me most about this slut-shaming is that is often comes from other women, whether it is seriously putting down another group of women or jokingly putting down a close friend. Why do women engage in slut-shaming? Is it for the same reason men engage in wimp-shaming? I know a lot of men who call other men wimps, pussies, faggots, or any other name that denotes the men as “less manly” (manly, in this context, meaning heterosexual and not in any way like a woman, because “of course” the worst thing a man could be is like a woman). Men who do this seem insecure to me. They need to put other men down as less manly so they can appear comparatively more manly.
So is that what women slut-shaming other women is about? Do they worry they themselves might be labeled sluts? Do they want to appear less slutty? I don’t know. That may be part of it, but I don’t think it’s quite the same. After all, rarely do het men parade around in “gay” outfits and say “Look how gay I look” to other het men unless they want to get beat up. And yet a woman could wear what she considers herself to be a “slutty” outfit and say “Look how slutty I look” to her fellow non-slutty friends and get a couple of laughs and that’s it.
I don’t know what it is. And I’m also not sure if it’s my place to stop it. I’m always a bit wary, as a man, of telling women what is appropriate or inappropriate to do (from a feminist perspective). Any thoughts?
April 8th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I tend to think it’s just part of social dynamics – might even have a biological basis. In a heterosexual relationship, the woman is generally the party that’s more responsible for sexual selection. Being “less picky” (i.e. a “slut”) would be detrimental to the gene pool.
Maybe the same reason for which men are defensive of their sisters, if it has a biological basis – and generally the way I see it.
‘After all, rarely do het men parade around in “gay” outfits and say “Look how gay I look” to other het men unless they want to get beat up.’
I’ve actually made remarks like this; women seem to have a much larger issue with them than men (but my perspective is skewed; they were both love interests).
April 8th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
edit: “both test cases were love interests”.
April 9th, 2009 at 5:16 am
I’ve noticed the same thing happening, women using sexual insults is certainly common.
I think there is also a sort of ‘reclaiming’ of these derrogative words to an extent, which is also confusing the situation. Some women are trying to recast sexual attractiveness/behavior in a positive way – challenging the idea that sexual behaviour is wrong for women. Certainly i’ve heard slutty used as a purely admiring term for clothes/shoes. I think it has limited success as a tactic though, as its limited to the visual, not actual sexual behaviour. Added to that women not conforming to slutty norms are also become judged.
its hard to counter – if you call some one on using slut/whore etc. as an insult, its easy to assume that its because you buy into the idea that sexually active or attractive women are dirty or wrong – not because you object to judging women by their sexuality at all.
April 10th, 2009 at 11:15 am
It is a very disturbing pattern amongst women. I think most of it has to do with competitiveness- that sexually confident or expressive women might steal het men from the available pool. I think it is part of a larger dynamic of women turning on one another that I think is due to a larger socialization issue, that we are taught from a very young age to not trust each other. And this socialization leads to a defensiveness- “I’m going to attack you before you attack me.” It continues in other areas as well- academic success, professional success, children, etc., etc.
April 14th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
When women refer to each other using sexually derogative terms they are exhibiting their internalized oppression. Men help construct the oppression that women have internalized by using words like ‘pussy’ to denote negative connotations about other men. It will take a joint effort before these groups recognize their internalized oppression and fight back against constructed oppression.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:31 am
It’s just a way groups unwittingly force social uniformity combined with the frailty of the American English vernacular. It’s the same idea that motivates politicians to point and cry, “Fascist!” or “Nazi!” when they want to keep someone in line. Also similarly, groups regulate themselves in this way. Nobody from the outside actually forces these conventions.
As for the confusion over inconsistent societal expectations and practices… don’t tell me you’re surprised? Human beings and their constructions are utterly insane more often than not.
To raise a similar question: why, in so many places in the Western world, is it socially acceptable for a woman to hit a man while a man who hits a woman is immediately dirt? Why when a woman attacks is she ‘defending her honor’ (or other such inane crap) but a violent man is but a brute? Why can there be no greater recognition that violence is a regrettable human trait and that it’s almost always inappropriate, no matter the parties involved?
I’ve spent more time than most trying to find sound reasoning or consistent ideologies in everyone’s actions, but it usually comes down to social control, whether administered by an authority or by the group itself. It took me a while to reach that conclusion, but if you watch people like a naturalist might study apes for a while, things become clearer, if not saner. We’re social animals, and being exiled scares the Hell out of most of us, so much so that’s it’s a very effective way to keep people in line.
If it isn’t socially acceptable to dress or act a certain way, you aren’t told but rather insulted, shamed and scared into pleasing the pack. If you simply say so, people are likely to ask, “Why?” and the answer is just stability, static expectations.
That’s how most societies seem to work, they just have unique expectations for each unique society.
June 2nd, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Yeah, women talk a ridiculous amount of trash about one another. Guys don’t really do that because its pointless. Personally, I don’t mind having a girl with experience. It makes things a lot more fun, hell I might even learn something! All I care about is whether or not a woman is clean.
August 6th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Women shame other women because promiscuous women monopoloize male attention and allow their sex to be accessed by men with little in return. Think of it like undercutting the competition in terms of sexuality. Let’s say two people own a store and they are both making a product of roughly equal value. Except that one person sells the product for much less than another. The former would put the latter out of business.
This is basically what happens with promiscous women. They lower the price of sexuality for all women. So lets say a woman wants to wait before marriage to have sex. If most of the women in her peer group are making a similar decision then her chance of finding a good man who will accept her conditions are higher because she will have many more men to choose from who are willing to abide by those constraints. If women in her peer group are not making a similar decision she will have a smaller group of men to choose from who are willing to accept her conditions because they can access sex elsewhere without them. So unless the women’s potential sexual value is above and beyond the other women’s current sexual value, she is at a competitive disadvantage. As a result the chaste women would either have to lower her standards, increase her potential sexual value, or accept a much smaller pool of men to choose from.
August 6th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
…or join in castigating the promiscous women, using peer pressure to get them to raise *their* standards. That has an advantage in that those who slut-shame do not have to do any of the other three options presented above.
So it’s no surprise that it’s so common. What I think is ‘funny’ is that most of these women who slut-shame don’t really know (consciously) why they do it.
August 7th, 2009 at 5:15 am
I recently got my hands over Ubuntu 7.x/8.04/8.10/9.04. i have Realtek Semiconductor Co., Ltd. RTL8101E/RTL8102E PCI Express Fast Ethernet controller (rev 01). i am working on leased line connection. every was allright when i switched to Ubuntu 7.x/8.04.When i migrated to latest versions, i have to restart my system once to get going on internet.
2. when i leave the system using screensaver, the system hangs.Please help.
or ubuntu forgets n/w settings.
sameer
August 27th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
David:
Thank you for explaining why women Slut Shame. That is exactly dead on. It is a part of human evolution and makes perfect sense that women would slut shame way more than men. Sluts cut the price of a valuable product. I know a feminist may have a hard time wrapping her head around it but she should read up on the theories of evolutionary psychology. The reason women value long-term relationships so much is to ensure they will have a man to help them raise their children. That is why women are so much more picky than men in who they sleep with. They must bear the consequences of a pregnancy. When all kinds of women are running around screwing men with no committment demands, the men have less reason to commit to a women who does want commitment. To put it simple, sluts screw up the long-term relationship potential of men. It is a documented and well-researched fact that the more sexually available women act in society, the less men want to commit to a long term relationship, period. Also, the more sexual signals women give off, the more competitive women get with other women. This is why fashion keeps getting sluttier and sluttier.
Please try to put aside your preconceived feminist ideas and embrace the truth about human nature.
March 15th, 2010 at 11:32 pm
The last comment seemed on target to me.
What we have to understand is that we are animals like any other animal. We have evolved from animals and like it or not we share very many attributes with the higher order mammals.
Male: disseminate sperm to as many females as possible – thus ensuring genes are propogated. Invest in childcare only when sure that i) it is your child, ii) the female is a good choice for passing on genes.
Female: For procreation – choose a male who is likely to be succesful at passing on genes (could be a succesful ‘bastard’). For rearing children – choose a male who will assist and be committed. The aforementioned may or may not be the same. Cuckolds, etc.
It is very much more complicated than that, but feel free to discuss further.
April 8th, 2010 at 11:33 am
I think that lots of women do it because they wish they could be more confident with their sexuality but since they aren’t they choose to come down on women who they are jealous of.
I’ve been called a “slut” by women who were much more promiscuous than me because I rarely wear a bra, like skimpy outfits and like to flirt.
May 24th, 2010 at 11:30 am
Hi! My friend argued with me over some jokes. They were jokes off the internet. She called me slut and my mother names. It was totally uncalled for. This is a woman that’s had two abortions. I have never been pregnant. I can actually count the number of men I’ve slept with. I think she’s jealous because I’m sober and I am in a happy relationshio after getting out out of a violent one. I think her boyfriend must have left her because she can get so bitchy and bossy.
July 26th, 2010 at 2:47 am
Dude, it has nothing to do with genetics, it has everything to do with jealousy. Girls talk sh*it about other girls and don’t like them generally just when they’re jealous. The problem is that they hardly are able to tell apart their jealous feelings from their real anger.